Wait...

Today I find myself face on the floor-literally-there are no words, only silent begging for my child.

No questioning why any more---my only question is what.

What do I do now?

"Be right with Me and wait.
"Do the next thing and wait.
"Love her, though it hurts.
"Rest in Me and wait."

I wait.

Not Very

"And how are you?" said Winnie-the-Pooh.

Eeyore shook his head from side to side. "Not very how," he said. "I don't seem to have felt at all how for a long time."

Mothering MaryGrace

Ministry is giving when you feel like keeping,
praying for others when you need to be prayed for,
feeding others when your own soul is hungry,
living truth before people even when you can't see results,
hurting with other people even when your own hurt can't be spoken,
keeping your word even when it is not convenient,
it is being faithful when your flesh wants to run away.
~Anonymous

Yes, that's ministry...but it's also mothering MaryGrace.

I Couldn't Cry...

I couldn't cry. This morning I couldn't cry. And I don't know if that is a bad thing or a good thing.

I feel numb. She has shut us out so completely that I don't know if I even care any more.

Of course, I love her. I would take a bullet for her. I always would. But she doesn't have the power to ruin my life, my joy, my love.

(Wow. I think that came out sounding a little bitter. I invested so much love, life, emotion in her. I took so much flack for her. I fought for her. I fought to help her dreams come true. And now it appears she is throwing those dreams away.)

Missing her, wanting to be with her, wanting the old MaryGrace back...yes, I do.

I guess I do still care.

And I guess I can still cry.

We Have Failed You...

We have failed you. We have failed to give you the assurance you could trust us. We have failed to equip you for the world.

We have failed to teach you honor and self respect and to trust in God's timing rather than to take things into your own hands. We have failed to value putting the needs of others above our own needs. We have failed to impart that value to you. We have failed to teach you to value self-sacrifice. We have taught you that your own happiness is above anything else in this world by letting you believe that fun, enjoyment and living for the now is of the utmost importance.

We have failed to hold your heart in trust. We have failed to trust your ability to make your own decisions. We have failed to keep your trust. We have failed to teach you to make good moral decisions. We have failed to teach you acceptance and patience. We have failed to encourage you to trust God for your future mate. We have failed to trust God enough ourselves. We have failed to value love and tolerance.

We have failed to give you the right to make mistakes.

And we are all reaping the the results of those failures every day...

To My Daughter: Just So You Know...

I will come get you any time, from anywhere, day or night.. I will ask no questions.

I will just listen and not say a word.

It will be hard but I will just listen.

I love you...