Hot Fries at the Grocery Store

hot fries at the grocery store
toe socks at Walmart
a coin purse in the shape of a sock at the dollar store
name brand clothes at the thrift store

           everywhere I go, I see "you."

"cool!"  "coolie"
or even:  "cool beans!"
"hey, buddy"
"I know, right?"
"have a good day!  make good choices!"
(how ironic is that...)

         and I hear "you."

Sometimes when I see a little blonde head, I think I see you. Then I remember you aren't blonde any more. In fact, I don't know what color your hair is now.

The last time I saw you, your hair was black.
The last time I heard you say anything, it was "bye."
Not even "good-bye, Mom" just "bye."

And now you are gone, six hours away...six hours--and a million miles--from us...


And the ashes pile up...

I Know, My Child, I Know

A quote from John Acuff's blog:


And I think it’s something God still says to us, even today:
“I know, my son, I know. I know, my daughter, I know. That thing you wanted is not going to happen. Not the way you’ve always dreamed. I know this hurts. I know this stings. I know you feel like I am distant or not aware of where you are and who hurt you and what you think life was supposed to be like. I know in moments like this you doubt that I can count the hairs on your head or have your best in mind. But please, I am not done. I have barely started to reveal your life to you. I am the God who satisfies your desires with good things. That is me! And when it comes to your hopes and your fears and your dreams, I know, my son, I know.”

http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2012/10/the-soft-x-2/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+stuffchristianslikeblog+%28Stuff+Christians+Like+-+Jon+Acuff%29

God Makes No Mistakes

There are no accidents with God,
And God makes no mistakes.
He gives in love, He takes in love,
He gives before He takes.

He gives, and we accept His gifts,
And hold them as our own,
But does our love for them forget
They are not ours alone?

Our loved ones are His choicest gifts,
To bring us comfort here,
But as our love goes out to them,
May we His name revere.

We hold them here in trust for Him,
Our will should blend with His,
And when He wants His own again,
We should accede to this.

For they are ours until He sees
Withholding them is best,
And as we bow unto His will,
Our lives in Him are blest.

His tender love could never cause
His child a needless tear,
Hereafter we shall understand
What mystifies us here.

(note: I cannot find out who wrote this poem or when it was written. I would love to credit the author if anyone can give me that information.)

Saying Goodbye...

"Love's a deep wound and what is a mother without a child and why can't I hold on to now forever and her here and me here and why does time snatch away a heart I don't think mine can beat without?...Why do we have to keep saying goodbye?"  
                                                            from One Thousand Gifts  by Ann Voskamp

Saying goodbye to little ones I've never held yet loved with everything I have; throwing rice and blowing kisses; standing alone in the dusk, shocked and speechless, as she drives away...leavetakings both fair and painful: I've never been good with goodbyes.

Saturday night at my house...

End of the road...

nothing to do...

and no hope of things getting better.

Sounds like Saturday night at my house.

~Eeyore

God didn't call us to raise godly children

"Moms and dads, God didn't call us to raise godly children. He called us to be godly parents. Christian parenting is passing on to one's offspring the knowledge of Jesus Christ and the provision that a sovereign God has made for living victoriously in a world marked by trials, tribulations, distress and frustrations."

- Bill and Anabel Gillham

God, please help us to be a godly parent with the children that I still have at home and yes, with MG as much as she will let us.

"The Last of the Human Freedoms--to Choose One's Attitudes"

"It's not what people do to us that hurts us. In the most fundamental sense it is our chosen response to what they do to us that hurts us."~ Stephen R. Covey

What people do to us is what hurts only our feelings; our negative reaction to what they do hurts our inner self. Feelings are transitory but what we do with those feelings can do permanent damage to ourselves and those we love.

Oh, Self, please be slow to speak. Or let any words be noncommittal and nonjudgmental. I am not the one to judge-only the one to learn. If all I can learn at this moment is not to speak, please let me learn it well.

"We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked throughout the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything an be taken away from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms--to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."
~Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Let me exercise my freedom to choose my attitude.

As we dwell in the prison camp of helplessness we find ourselves in just now, let me be the one giving away bits of bread and comforting others who grieve:

• the faithful older sister who feels betrayed because MG told her friend her "happy news" but not the sister who has been there with never a word of accusation, only grace and love


• the little brother who bitterly commented "I thought one of our family values was honesty"


• the little sister realizing that she "doesn't know" MG any more


• another sister whose tears mirror mine


• the older bother who says "you can't stop a train wreck" yet I am certain he is constantly in prayer for her


• the littlest brother who doesn't really know what is wrong but feels unsettled and insecure

I am praying that each of us will choose the "high road" and choose our attitudes wisely, at least in the cold, clear light of day. In the dark night, may God comfort my loved ones who struggle feelings of betrayal and loss.