Yes

Things will never be the same but for this, we have Jesus.

Receive Affliction with Courtesy

Count each affliction, whether light or grave,
God's messenger sent down to thee; do thou
With courtesy receive him; rise and bow;
And, ere his shadow pass thy threshold, crave
Permission first his heavenly feet to lave;
Then lay before him all thou hast; allow
No cloud of passion to usurp thy brow,
Or mar thy hospitality; no wave
Of mortal tumult to obliterate
Thy soul's marmoreal calmness. Grief should be
Like joy, majestic, equable, sedate;
Confirming, cleansing, raising, making free;
Strong to consume small troubles; to commend
Great thoughts, grave thoughts, thoughts lasting to the end.

Aubrey Thomas de Vere, 1814-1902

Do Hearts Prove False...

Do hearts prove false when thine is true?
I know the bitter dart;
I was betrayed by one I loved--
I died of a broken heart.
I loved my own, they loved Me not,
My heart was lonely, too;
I'll never leave thee, child of Mine,
My loving heart is true.

Have courage, then, My faithful one,
I suffered all the way,
Thy sensitive and loving heart
I understand today;
Whate'er thy grief, whate'er thy care
Just bring it unto Me;
Yea, in thy day of trouble, call,
And I will answer thee.

--Susanne C. Unlauf

Sitting on Thistles

Sitting on thistles doesn't do them any Good. Takes all the Life out of them.
~Eeyore

No, it doesn't do them any Good at all. Doesn't do me much Good, either.

I have chosen to sit on thistles and I've just got to quit that. Although it is hard on the thistles, it is hard on me, too. I know it's going to hurt; it hurt before; it will hurt again.

But I can't seem to quit sitting on thistles.

Wait...

Today I find myself face on the floor-literally-there are no words, only silent begging for my child.

No questioning why any more---my only question is what.

What do I do now?

"Be right with Me and wait.
"Do the next thing and wait.
"Love her, though it hurts.
"Rest in Me and wait."

I wait.

Not Very

"And how are you?" said Winnie-the-Pooh.

Eeyore shook his head from side to side. "Not very how," he said. "I don't seem to have felt at all how for a long time."

Mothering MaryGrace

Ministry is giving when you feel like keeping,
praying for others when you need to be prayed for,
feeding others when your own soul is hungry,
living truth before people even when you can't see results,
hurting with other people even when your own hurt can't be spoken,
keeping your word even when it is not convenient,
it is being faithful when your flesh wants to run away.
~Anonymous

Yes, that's ministry...but it's also mothering MaryGrace.

I Couldn't Cry...

I couldn't cry. This morning I couldn't cry. And I don't know if that is a bad thing or a good thing.

I feel numb. She has shut us out so completely that I don't know if I even care any more.

Of course, I love her. I would take a bullet for her. I always would. But she doesn't have the power to ruin my life, my joy, my love.

(Wow. I think that came out sounding a little bitter. I invested so much love, life, emotion in her. I took so much flack for her. I fought for her. I fought to help her dreams come true. And now it appears she is throwing those dreams away.)

Missing her, wanting to be with her, wanting the old MaryGrace back...yes, I do.

I guess I do still care.

And I guess I can still cry.

We Have Failed You...

We have failed you. We have failed to give you the assurance you could trust us. We have failed to equip you for the world.

We have failed to teach you honor and self respect and to trust in God's timing rather than to take things into your own hands. We have failed to value putting the needs of others above our own needs. We have failed to impart that value to you. We have failed to teach you to value self-sacrifice. We have taught you that your own happiness is above anything else in this world by letting you believe that fun, enjoyment and living for the now is of the utmost importance.

We have failed to hold your heart in trust. We have failed to trust your ability to make your own decisions. We have failed to keep your trust. We have failed to teach you to make good moral decisions. We have failed to teach you acceptance and patience. We have failed to encourage you to trust God for your future mate. We have failed to trust God enough ourselves. We have failed to value love and tolerance.

We have failed to give you the right to make mistakes.

And we are all reaping the the results of those failures every day...

To My Daughter: Just So You Know...

I will come get you any time, from anywhere, day or night.. I will ask no questions.

I will just listen and not say a word.

It will be hard but I will just listen.

I love you...

Love Hurts~Corrie Ten Boom

“Do you know what hurts so very much? It's love. Love is the strongest force in the world, and when it is blocked that means pain. There are two things we can do when this happens. We can kill that love so that it stops hurting. But then of course part of us dies, too. Or we can ask God to open up another route for that love to travel.”
~ Corrie ten Boom

Well, That's One Way to Comfort Your Mama...

I was having an emotional day the other day--the way I look at it any more is: when you stop crying, you stop caring.

Anyway, Daniel was hugging me and just when I was thinking what a wonderfully sensitive young man he was, he says, "Mom, don't cry into my jacket; you'll get it all snotty."

I wish I could tell you...

I wish I could tell you:
how much I love you
how much I miss you
that it is not my intention to ruin your life and that I don't want you to ruin it
that I want you to be happy but you can't always be happy
he won't always make you happy
that I want you to really know God
that many are praying for you
that I cried today...
...and yesterday...
...and the day before that...


I wish I could ask you to:
talk to someone who is wise
open your heart, to someone besides him
take advantage of your opportunity to get an education
be patient


I wish you could understand:
no one can "make you happy"
you won't always "be happy"
happiness is not joy
where the path you are choosing really leads
that you are enough on your own, you don't need a man to fulfill you
the pain the ones who love you are feeling


life is not a movie and there are no happy endings--just life, with busyness, irritations, and many moments: good moments, bad moments, indifferent moments


And I wish that I could remember no matter what your choices are, you are responsible for them before God.

Changing My Focus

While I don't believe in self-fulfilling prophecies, I do believe that if you keep focusing on the negative, it has an effect on your life. Maybe not to MAKE bad things happen but to make you notice the bad things more.




So I have determined to focus on the positive. God IS in control. He IS on the throne. He Is bigger than the events that have occurred. He DOES love her more than I do. His plan for her life is NOT thwarted. He is her heavenly Father and He is GOD.


She is not dead.
She is still in college.
She communicates with *some* of us.
She loves her younger siblings dearly.
She affirms that she is a Christian.
She is being prayed for by many people who love her,
...which is the most important thing of all.

We Need to Teach Our Daughters

We need to teach our daughters the difference between:

A man who flatters her and a man who compliments her.
A man who spends money on her and a man who invests in her.
A man who views her as property and a man who views her properly.
A man who lusts after her and a man who loves her.
A man who believes he is God's Gift to women and a man who remembers a woman was God's gift to man.

And then teach our sons to be the second kind of man.

This has been floating around Facebook for the past couple of weeks and I find it to be so convicting. I wish I could sit down with my girl, without tears or fears, without accusation or emotion, without passion or intensity, and share with her my fear that her guy is not "that kind of man." I wish I could help her see I am not trying to "steal her happiness" but rather to protect her. It is too late to protect her heart--she's already given that away--but her future, her dreams, her very soul...need protection and she cannot see that.

It's a Scary Thing

It's a scary thing, letting your kids venture out into the world. This I have learned the hard way. Bathe them in prayer, every day, whether they be 19 or 27 or 10. Pray for their eyes, their minds, their hearts. Pray that God would go before them...and that they would desire His protection.

I did and do pray for my children. Sometimes I wonder what I did wrong. Were my prayers not fervant enough? not long enough? not specific enough? Should I have laid hands on her every day before she left the house?

Did I not pray for her heart? that it would be soft toward the things of the Lord...that she would desire His love above all else...that she would not give it away prematurely...that her daddy would have her heart...

I cannot play the "blame game" and I cannot live in fear. While I still pray and cry out for her, we have surrendered her to God, knowing that our dear one is out from under our protection and our influence (by her own choice). But it is hard for me to remember that I "gave her back to God." So to help me--and to illustrate it to the younger children--we had a little ceremony last week. We bought a helium balloon and wrote messages to God on it. One child drew a heart, others wrote prayers for healing and care. I asked God to watch over her since we cannot. (as a parent, that was probably the hardest thing I have ever done--admitting I cannot take care of my "baby")

Daniel had the honor of letting the balloon go. We watched it gently float, buffeted by the breeze, but always soaring up and away. The kids got bored (it took a long time floating away from us) but I couldn't abandon the sight. I watched until it was a silvery dot beyond the trees that flashed in and out of my sight. I watched until I could only imagine the tiny flash. I watched until I couldn't even imagine that I saw it.

Then I wept. Again. It won't be the last time, I'm afraid. I hope God has a big bucket.

"To Love God..."

"To love God is to love His will. It is to wait quietly for life to be measured by One who knows us through and through. It is to be content with His timing and His wise appointment.” ― Elisabeth Elliot

To love His will is to die to your own will...to wait patiently...to set aside your own pleasure and happiness for the joy He has planned for you. His timing is different from our timing as His perspective is eternal. He is not so concerned with our happiness as He is with our holiness.

I am not speaking as one who is anywhere near the holiness threshold--in fact, I am continually reminded of my shortcomings and fail to do the good that I desire to do.

‎"The willing is present but the doing is not..." Stupid old emotions and attitudes. But am I stupid for caring????

Love Through Me---A Mighty Tall Order

"Love this world through me Lord, this world of broken men. Thou didst love through death, Lord, love through me again. Souls are in despair; make me know and care. When my life they see, may they behold Thee,love this world through me."

What I think I am really saying here is: God help me to love the person that I don't think I can. And God help me to show love to my daughter. I FEEL love and concern and fear for her future but I am not showing Your love to her..."prodigal son" love..."love the sinner, hate the sin" love..."the thief on the cross" love..."love that will not let me go" love...the love Jesus has for me--how He is always there, every time I stumble and fall.

Now I think I understand, in a very limited way, the grief God feels when we stray from Him.

The Forest Will Always Be There

"Pooh, sitting wakeful a little longer on his chair by our pillow, thinks Grand Thoughts to himself about Nothing, until he, too, closes his eyes and nods his head, and follows us on tip-toe into the Forest.

There, still, we have magic adventures, more wonderful than any I have told you about; but now, when we wake up in the morning, they are gone before we can catch hold of them. How did the last one begin?

"One day when Pooh was walking in the Forest, there were one hundred and seven cows on a gate . . ."

No, you see, we have lost it. It was the best, I think.

Well, here are some of the other ones, all that we shall remember now. But, of course, it isn't really Good-bye, because the Forest will always be there . . . and anybody who is Friendly with Bears can find it."

~A.A.Milne